Brothers & a Video

Oh Hello! Hi! 

Yep, we're still here. Just busy with, you know, the everything of life. A very full, non-stop, joy-filled life!

Jimmy is doing so well. And on top of the blessings of great health and tremendous growth, he is blessed with this incredibly fun big brother.

These two are developing such a strong, brotherly bond we pray lasts a lifetime.

Check out this little video for a peek into their brotherly fun. 

...And see if you can keep yourself from laughing with them! :)

He just keeps a-growin'

It is such a delight to be the mother of my three incredible children!

Silliness on our big family trip to Flagstaff several weeks ago

Especially now that I get to say a very loving Good-Bye to my two biggest kids for a few hours twice a week while they explore the joys of childhood at our local preschool. I get to breathe for a few minutes,  Jimmy gets my undivided attention all morning, while Devin gets to run around burn off energy, and explore his creativity. While Khiana scouts out new friends, eats interesting snacks, and finds all the pink and sparkly items in her new classroom.

Goofy grin on her first day of preschool

Tuesday and Thursday are quickly becoming my new favorite days of the week! :)

A final preschool farewell

There are only wonderful things to report regarding our not-so-little Jimmy. He's almost 7 months old now! How can that be?
So often I'm reminded that God has been *so* good to us! James is growing and growing like crazy! His giggle is boisterous, he almost never cries for more than a moment (he prefers to squawk, squeak, squeal, or holler, depending on what he's wanting to tell us). He brings such joy and delight to our house. If he's up from a nap, everyone notices, each taking turns to run over kiss, tickle, dance, entertain him. Anything to draw out a precious smile from our favorite baby.

My Big Helper
Giving me a hand for a moment while I dealt with some necessary
parenting with the little rascalina 

He is sweetly easy-going, happy, and simply content with his busy, noisy life. He is up to 13 pounds 14 ounces. Can you believe it?! Nearly 14 pounds! And I just had to pull out the 6 - 9 month jammies for him to wear tonight, as his 6 month ones were already getting too short! He's getting chubby wee rolls--- true baby rolls! I can't resist squeezing them and tickling them during diaper changes. He loves to get that sweet, soft spot under his neck kissed and tickled till he laughs so hard the milk nearly comes back up!

Happy Bath Time Giggles

A few days ago he rolled over! he spent the rest of the day trying to figure how he did it--- which way to wiggle his arms and legs to cause such excitement and special attention-- He hasn't managed the tricky acrobatics again :)

His bottom two teeth are just about to poke through, and boy are they giving him grief. With his sweet nature, I wouldn't know he was teething except that he is eating a bit less and squeaking a bit more at nap times.


Yesterday Jimmy's big cousin asked when he's head would stop being so big --- meaning thin and narrow. Yes, yes, I know Honey. He has a unique, slightly goofy look doesn't he? Well, sweetheart, Jimmy was born so early his head didn't develop as round and full as babies who have longer in their mommy's tummy. See, he was sleeping on his head far earlier that most babies, and all that pressure has given him this special "preemie-style" head shape. The doctor said he'll grow more hair eventually :) and that it'll help hide the narrowness a bit. But, he's likely to have this slightly-goofy looking head the rest of his life. A reminder to his Mama of his rough start. But if he walks away from all that with just a narrow head, well, he's one blessed baby. Don't ya think?

I recommend rubbing his little mohawk tuff and kissing those soft cheeks---then you'll hardly even notice his head shape any more!

And then I remember

Life is very busy, and rarely do I have a moment to think about where we've been, and how far we've come. In the quiet moments, unexpectedly, an experience seems to fall heavily on me. Sudden, crisp, and overwhelmingly clear as if I am living the moment all over again, for the first time, but with fresh eyes.

The moments after delivery when my two pound baby was quickly swept away to be swiftly worked on by expert gloved hands, so far from the peaceful beginning I hoped for. Weeping on my mom and sister's shoulder in the quiet moments alone while my baby was being whisked down the corridor...the days ahead overwhelming and filled with unknowns.

Or sleeping alone in the postpartum unit with no baby by my side, being told to watch the "how to care for you newborn at home" videos. (I didn't. I couldn't.) The hallow feeling in my womb where he should still have been. The drive I took every day, the panic in my heart as I sped down the same road, longing, desperate to see my baby, to hold him close, and feel that he really is okay. We were all okay. Not really ok, but that we were somehow making it through.

Can this baby, this incredible, pink, getting-chubby baby really, truly be that same pathetic, vulnerable baby that lived at the hospital for weeks and weeks?

As my mind goes back. The tears come.

For the stabbing pain I felt in those days, when I couldn't let myself feel the true depth of our pain and fears, for myself, for my baby who endured so much, for my older children who misunderstood. Tears of amazement and relief. We really did watch our baby have three blood transfusions, watch his monitors go off over and over again the alarm sounding because he wasn't breathing enough, or his immature heart would momentarily slow...ding, ding, ding. That the children don't resent Jimmy, in fact, they seem as mesmerized as we are.

We really did go to bed each night after calling the nurse, whoever it was that night, to check in on our baby. Not knowing if we'd be roused by a sudden phone call that we'd never recover from. Night after night after night. We'd hear the babies current weight, what his machines were set at that night, if there'd be any lab work. A brief, polite phone conversation does not fill the heart's void.

Fearing. Hoping. Exhausted.

Now I wonder --- How did we do it?

Only by God alone, who walked us through those days with love, support, prayers. From so many. He gave us strength we didn't know we had. How we've grown in ways I never would have asked for. But now? I would never trade the experience of clinging to Him - the gift of life savored- for another moment of simple innocence.

How true it is.

The greatest gifts often come from the greatest trials. Like the gift of this healthy, robust, curious, social growing baby!
He's doing so well this week. That virus a couple weeks ago that landed us in the ER gave him two terrible ear infections. A round of antibiotics cleared them up, and within a few days on them he was turning into the sweet, easy going baby I know him to be. He's even starting to get yummy baby rolls!

Still loving bath time. Remember back when he used to be bathed like this?

Tub bath at 3 weeks old

Now he's contentedly bathed in our kitchen sink.
Just like healthy, loved babies usually are :)

Wee Sick Baby

It has been one of those months {or has it only been a couple weeks??}.

What the kids think my nursing pillows are for

Our precious baby has been doing, truly, oh- so well. Growing strong, gaining weight { a big 10 1/2 pounds}, not showing ANY signs of his prematurity when looking at his {adjusted} age of 7 weeks.

Easter

A gift from our God alone!

Then, a couple weeks ago he contracted conjunctivitis {pink eye}. it's been going around Devin's preschool. and Jimmy got it really bad. In only one eye, but over night it became awful, oozing, very red and very swollen. I did all the usual remedies, without any success of taming it. In we went to the doctors office where she was very concerned about the degree of redness and swelling. It was more than the typical case, looking like a bad infection that could progress quickly causing significant eye damage if not treated. I agreed eye drops were necessary. But when she said he needed oral antibiotics and an antibiotic shot I said 'thank you, but not thank you'. Wanting to give the drops a chance to clear it up. I took him home, drops in hand. discussed it with Andrew, prayed for wisdom. Over the hour or so that we did that it got even worse. I cried a little, then took him back for the shot. It was a difficult decision to that do to his gut health, clearing out all the good bacteria with the bad.

Owie eye

It was evident within a few hours the antibiotics were indeed necessary as the eye improved significantly in a very short time. God is good to my boy.

But then, as I feared (and often is the case), while his immunity was down he caught a virus. it's been a very worrying 6 days of fevers, congestion, coughing, eating less than normal, and wanting to be held lots. Yesterday it was time to take him back in, as the fever was still nearing 102*, eating less without improvement.



The doctor was a new doc to the practice that I'd never seen before, but he seemed to be a very insightful {albeit strongly opinionated!} After much humming and hawing checking his oxygenation, temperature several times, and close observation the doctor felt an ER visit was warranted. A high fever in a baby under 2 months of age is very concerning. We worried it could be an infection of an organ, a urinary tract infection, something connected to the pink eye (which had returned a few days prior).... too many unanswered questions if we were looking at a simple virus.

More tears and big fears on my part, we left the older kiddos with our wonderful Aunt Maggie for the evening and off Andrew, Jimmy and I went to the ER at the Children's Hospital. Jimmy was acting more sleepy, disinterested in eating, and had a high fever. Confirmation to my heart that we were doing the right thing.

Sick time snuggles + multitasking mama

He was such a brave baby! Through getting blood drawn, taking urine {rather uncomfortably}, swabs way up his nose, other pokes and prods he cried some but soothed easily in my arms. We insisted on his care being done while he was held close on my chest...right where a sick baby should be.

Let's just say, after our NICU experience I am not afraid to ask LOTS of question and say "no thank you" to most of the otherwise routine protocols of the hospital. (such as an IV, nice but not necessary numbing medication for a blood draw, etc) At one point the Doctor came in to have a discussion with us about not giving tylenol to reduce his fever. as we felt a cool, damp cloth was sufficient. I knew it was at a normal, non-dangerous range, and as fevers are designed, surely doing its work to fight off any possible infection or virus. This was the third discussion someone had with us about it, questioning why we wouldn't give it.



We discussed why she would like him to have it (we had held off given any at all during the week since the fever cooled with the damp cloth). she said that it would help paint a more clear picture of his level of sickness if he seemed to improve quickly with it. and if the labs came back borderline than she would feel better knowing he had the tylenol. Several times she said she would "feel better" if he had it.


So I asked her, "well, would YOU like some Tylenol then?"

She laughed. Getting the picture that I didn't feel it was necessary just yet. We agreed to reconsider in an hour when labs came back if we needed to see that piece of the puzzle.

Praise the Lord, the lab results came back in a relatively short time, and were completely normal. His white blood cell count was normal, indicating no infection of the bladder, kidney, organs, etc. No RSV, or other serious viruses. His platelets were slightly elevated as you would expect to see in a child fighting a typical upper respiratory virus. An answer to prayer! He was sick - as we all could see - but nothing more serious than fighting the "common cold".

We got to go home --- finally --- at 10:30 pm. We were all very tired and ready to go snuggle at home and sleep in our own beds.

That was all last night.

Today Jimmy is sleeping better, eating a little more, and hopefully on the mend. I'll start a home remedy for his ears, which did look a little red from fluid near his inner ear. Praying he continues to improve over the next day or two and we can keep doing when he's so good at - growing and growing... & melting our hearts with his precious smile!

One Month {Adjusted-Age} Update

<<<...deep breath in....slowly blow out....>>>  ah, that's better. 

Let me take another sip of coffee....

Ok. Now I'm ready! 

Parents of three, oh yes, I was told about the craziness of it all. but it's one of those things in life, there's no way to truly prepare for the day-to-day whirlwind that has become our life. 

In such a way, (and this is how I know it feels like a life-time ago), those quiet afternoons in the hospital with Jimmy are starting to sound very appealing, nice, even! Must be the thought of the coffee shop just an elevator ride away. Or perhaps all that adult socializing I did while I snuggled my baby, doing nothing but savoring his sweet scent and soft touch of his skin....

Jimmy snoozing away on his Daddy's side of the bed,
just an arms-reach away 

At Jimmy's last doctor appointment over two weeks ago, he weighed in at 7lbs 8 ounces. I'm guessing he's a good eight and bit this week. He's starting to fill out his newborn size clothes. And just this week, I can see him practicing his smile! It melts my heart every time! He's 4 weeks corrected age (according to his due date), so this is quite the advanced skill - not expected until 6 weeks! The pediatrician was so pleased with Jimmy's progress that we aren't going back for another two weeks. Our precious boy is still not showing any signs of delays or abnormalities. This may still come further down the road. but for now, we're are so thankful for the routine days (in a very non-routine kinda way :)

And now. Well, let me tell you, it is *beautiful*! Crazy, busy, one feeding/snuggling session running into the next kind of wonderful.

 see, what else can I tell you before Khiana decides she's tired of being in her crib, or Devin needs me to fix his lego pieces, and Jimmy realizes he's in the crib not my arms & that some milk sounds good right about now....

Our little guy is a pretty calm baby. He pretty much just goes with the flow, sleep anywhere kind of baby.  

A typical dinner time...
Except in the picture Khiana is actually *eating* her dinner! {it's Pei Wei}

He wakes to eat (which can take 45 mins!), and quite easily goes back to sleep as long as he has plenty of snuggles. The nights are okay, he often eats twice, each time we're up with him for a good hour. But since he's on a combo of nursing and bottle feeding Andrew and I each take a turn at night. the feedings take 30-45 mins, plus holding him upright for an additional 20 mins before he's back to bed. (which helps keep the reflux/spitting up to a minimum.) Or this could be much longer if I dose off in the lazy boy- never good! Otherwise his digestive system is working well - God is So good! 

Tired. Yes. Always busy? Defintely. Delighted to have three incredible blessings? You betcha!! 

Proud Papa with his newest grandbaby

Auntie Kiara squeezing in a few cuddles while Brooklyn makes sure that baby's
 not getting *too* comfortable in HER mama's arms

We're pretty much still keeping him out of crowds, like church, the grocery stores, big play dates, etc. We hope to lift the restrictions gradually during the month of May. This leaves me feeling pretty cooped up, but Andrew is wonderful at giving me a little time in the evening to run an errand or go for a walk. 

Photo shoot fun with Uncle Paul

Lately, I find myself thinking - God must believe I am one *incredible* woman to get to have these THREE wonderful, energetic, busy children all day! ;)

Happy Due Date, Baby Boy!

My Son, Jimmy,
Today was your Due Date - the day the doctors calculated you should have been born.
But what do they know, anyway?
You are already 11 1/2 weeks old, six and a half pounds, and full of personality. I couldn't imagine having you still inside me!
You are so perfect. The doctors can't find anything wrong with you, or your body. Besides being a a tad immature, you have been protected, nurtured, and grown in God's arms. You are such a testimony of His goodness, His power to answer prayer, and how much He cares about His children. God has used you in so many ways. As you grow I'll tell you all about what God has been doing through you.
I look at your precious eyes, your rose bud lips, your itty bitty toes, and sing His praises in my heart!

Here are some pictures I took of you today. You are so precious and *such* a baby! :)

That's Life, Kiddo

When you're the third kid,
you just gotta squeeze a nap in whenever you can

First walk in the home-made baby wrap
(Devin is more than ready to get movin')

Sleeping right through his big sister's joke

There's always entertainment
(Lions and Tigers and Singing - oh my!)

This life sure is tiring for such adorable itty-bitties! 

Ahhhh --- Home!

All together - Sharing joy, tired grumpies, lots of play time, snuggle time... and.... ahhhhhh moments of delight.

The Boys

Praise the Lord for our amazing, healthy, adorable baby boy! 

Still praying for strength and especially good health during this season of rsv and other sickness that could be dangerous to Jimmy's immature lungs and immune system. If you don't see much of us or the kids in the next couple of months, it's because the doctor has advised we hide away from all those icky germs! I'm terrified of Jimmy being re-hospitalized because of illness, which unfortunately isn't uncommon for preemies. 

And if you do see us, I hope you won't be offended when I ask you to not touch the baby (I know! nearly impossible!), or to wash your hands as soon as we get within arms length of one another. 

I'm trying to not be overly paranoid, but, I'll admit, I'm not trying all that hard ;) 

~Annie

(here's Andrew with the important stats and other stuff. I'm off to dote on the baby...)

Jimmy is up to 5lbs 13oz today at the weigh-in at is first post-hospital dr appointment! We are hoping for between 3/4 and 1 oz weight gain each day.  For those of you who speak metric that is about 21-28 grams/day.  The little guy is mostly just sleeping, then eating, then sleeping, but it is great having him home.  He is still a little reflux-y but normal preemie stuff.  The kids LOVE that Jimmy is home.  K loves to "pet" him and really delights in her little brother.  D is fighting a cold or something right now so please pray it will not spread to us all and especially not Jimmy.

It's TODAY!!

Today is THE day!! Oh Yes it is!

Our little guy put on 75 grams last night! (or perhaps a paci or two made it's way to the scale?? )

We *finally* get to walk through those stinkin' hospital security doors and whisk our baby away from that place. So thankful for all they've done in the last 10 weeks, but it's time to say Goodbye. (Funny, 10 weeks on bed rest, 10 weeks in the hospital...20 weeks can sure feel like an eternity.)

I'm sure there will be lots of pictures to come. ...if I can take my eyes off my precious baby long enough to share them :) 

((( Squeal ))) He's really going to be here in my house, sleeping next to my bed, nursing on my couch, playing on my floor, snuggling with his own big brother and sister! :) :) :)

My, How far we've come......

Just born - on CPap to ease his breathing, IV fluids,
Antibiotics, Feeding tube, lots of monitoring wires

2 pounds 3 ounces

9 1/2 weeks old, 5 lbs 10 ounces!

Let's Win!

**Update**
So, apparently Jimmy felt the pressure of being Biggest Baby 2012 was just too much for him. He still wants to be a little baby, at least for now - He only gained 15 grams - but thank the Lord he didn't lose any weight. The hospital staff really want to see Jimmy go home. He is SO ready! Praying tonight is the night of a good weight gain (and if not, a little birdy told me she'd weigh him with a wet diaper and put a finger on the scale to *ahem* help things along... :)

I'm very hopeful tomorrow (Friday) will be the big day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimmy gained 20 grams last night. And the Doctor came by to chat today, to see how I felt about where he is at with his eating skills, and to answer any questions I might have. She told me she was happy to see his weight gain last night, and if he is able to gain at least 20 or 25 grams at his weigh-in tonight she'd be comfortable sending him home tomorrow. if he gains less than that she'd want to keep him here for at least one more night of gaining. If he loses weight it'll need to be watched for who knows how long, and at least another two days in a row of gaining.


Whew! Somehow this feels like that weight loss show The Biggest Loser. Only in reverse. (The Biggest Baby?)

"In order for Jimmy to be the Biggest Baby, and be above 'the yellow line' he must gain at least Twent-five grams, and earn 'immunity'.


Then we'll have the chance to vote him right out of the hospital - for the title of 2012's Biggest Baby! He'll win the Grand Prize of one noisy, busy, snuggly, warm house with his very own family at his beck and call! Now let's see if Jimmy has done it.... "

Lets all ask The Lord to help Jimmy gain 30 grams for tonights weigh-in ----

We're ready to WIN! 

Go Jimmy! Go! 

Or, Maybe Not Coming Home. Yet...

Jimmy has lost weight two days in a row, and finally gained some tonight. He's still so sleepy, and is inconsistent in waking to eat. He will only nurse when he's wide awake and active. So we made the difficult decision to focus on bottle feeding for a couple days to see if that helps him take in enough calories to come home so we can *finally* feed him like we want to. (I hate to see bottles shoved in his mouth so he eats in his sleep, but hey, if it's his ticket out we'll do what we have to)

Praying for peace during these days of not knowing if he will come home in two days, or two weeks. Today, if I wasn't running around crazy trying to get things done, (or snuggle my little almost-sick big boy) I was uncontrollably crying my eyes out. The big, deep emotions of this difficult pregnancy, draining hospital stay for me, then for Jimmy, on top of life with two busy kiddos... all those emotions are bubbling to the surface and can't be stifled. The nurse practitioner today was so sweet to talk with me a long time, cry with me, and encourage me. She said our little guy is in the top 1% the babies they see, with how well he's done. God has truly carried him through ever moment of every day since his conception.

I remember, back when I was pregnant and first started to bleed for days on end, and fearing we were losing our child....

I remember choosing to give our son all the love I had to give. To delight in his life, every moment of it, however short it may be. I gave him my heart, my devotion, my never ending motherly love.

Even if I was only able to give him that love in utero, for a few short weeks.  Many times we thought it was the end, nearly time to say goodbye to our boy. And over and over again God breathed life into him. He held my placenta together (just barely) with His hand, and nourished my boy, gave him LIFE... until the exact moment He had planned for him to start his days outside my womb.

Not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late.

God matured his lungs, grew his digestive system, protected the intricate places in his brain, nerves, blood vessels, kidney, heart.... Exactly as He had planned. We gave our whole heart to this tiny boy, cried out to God to protect him from a life-too-short...and that is exactly what He's done.

My some James has my whole heart, even as he sleeps in a crib too far away. God is still protecting him, maturing his body....all for His own Glory. God, truly, is so good to us.

Even when I can't stop crying for all we've lost along the way. I choose to praise His Powerful Name for all He's done for my Jimmy.
...Tears of grief washed away by tears of rejoicing....

Coming Home!

**Update**
The doctor did her rounds this morning while I was here feeding Jimmy. Turns out he lost 15 grams last night. And hospital policy is he must have two nights in a row of gaining weight before discharge.

Hoping Wednesday is the day! For now, I'll be here at the hospital doing whatever Jimmy says we're to do. (Even type my blog updates one-handed while we snuggle :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shouldn't be surprised when God answers our prayers and moves in our life - but He is! And I am!

Jimmy had his NG tube pulled on Sunday morning, a sign that the doctors see how well he's eating, digesting and thriving. (Truly a gift from God!) That's Jimmy's ticket to call the shots on how much he eats and when. So far he loves being the boss and is doing quite well. We just have to pass his car seat test, keep eating well & stooling well, gaining weight...and he gets to come home on TUESDAY!

I'll be spending all day today and tomorrow with him so he can ad lib his nursing. I love those quiet, peaceful moments with my baby. And otherwise I'll be running around crazy getting everything ready! (you'd think after two months we'd have everything ready for his home coming!)

We're oh-so-delighted....and a little anxious.

The time has *finally* come! :) :) :)

8 weeks old & a whole lota nuthin'

I really can't complain.
But you might hear me complaining anyway.
There's been a whole lot of nothing going on at the hospital lately.

I suppose that's a good thing, but I'd really quite like there to be more of something - specifically some champion bottle feeding. But he is progressing some, taking a few more bottles a day than he was last week. We have no idea how much longer he'll be in this stage, it could be one week or it could be three or even four weeks until he's consistently awake enough to eat for every feeding.
He's up to a big 5 lbs 2 ounces! And practically chubby, as you can see! And oh-so-extremely adorable! It's getting harder and harder to say goodbye to this precious face... I'm sure he misses me when I'm gone, and boy is that painful for my mommy heart.

I like to smell one of Jimmy's outfits
while pumping for him.
He has such a sweet baby scent.

He's still anemic and sleepy. But his body is trying to make blood, so hopefully he's reached his low point and will pull out of it on his own soon. He still isn't stooling great, the poor guy. They have started him on a teaspoon of Organic, pulpy pear juice to give him some fiber to move things along. It seems to be helping a little bit. It's hard to see him straining and grunting and uncomfortable so much of the time.

We've been really struggling more recently. The last 8 weeks (9 months?) have really caught up with us. We've long since run out of adrenaline and are now barely running on fumes. Even the kids seem fed up with this craziness... although generally still doing ok. Please pray for us in this regard.
I don't know how long we can keep going like this...

To Laugh... Kid Quotes

My Kids! 

To keep from crying, I just gotta laugh :) 

Heres a couple quotes that keep me laughing during the chaos. 

During a particularly emotional moment...

Khiana: "You sad about Baby Jimmy?" 

Me : Sniffle. "Yeah"

Khiana very unselfishly offered her solution:  

"Maybe we could go to Chick A Flay and you'll feel all better. 

It's NO problem..."

After a noisy morning of way too much talking for this Mama...

Me: "Devin, I don't know why you repeat yourself so much"

Devin: "What?"

Me: "Sigh. Devin, I don't know why you repeat yourself so much"